Respect

"Always treat others with respect even when you believe they do not deserve it. Not for what it says about their character, but for what it says about yours." 

Facebook has a way of providing me with apt musings at timely moments. I have been thinking a lot about the concept of respect over the last 3 days after witnessing a show jumping clinic given by the world's top instructor in Hunt Seat Equitation, 79 year old George Morris. There are so many reasons that one should respect this man: his own competitive track record; his stable of Olympic riders who came up under him; his experience and age; his coaching of the US and Brazilian Olympic Teams. So many reasons, yet I have no respect for him after witnessing him in action. The man disgusts me. 

MY friend, Char, had given a me a ticket to audit the clinic for my birthday, so we were looking forward to an interesting, fun horsey weekend. Now to be clear, this was not the first time I had seen George in action. In the late 70s I worked as a show groom for two of Canada's top show jumpers: Hugh Graham and Mac Cone. Mac was a transplanted American who came up under George's tutelage, so we crossed paths with him at many shows. He never did have what you could call a "winsome" personality as winning was all he cared about and to hell with the feelings of his clients. I guess time mellows memories a bit as I semi fondly remembered him as a bit eccentric, but a character. I guess time also dulled the memories of some of the heinous things I had to do to horses as part of my job; the degradation that we (the grooms) were subject to at a rider's whim or the many days that I went without sleep at shows that finished at 2am and started again at 7:30. Yes, there were many reasons why I left that business after 2 years, and watching George in action brought a lot of those memories back full flood.

The first day of the clinic was very interesting and informative. There were 3 groups of 8 riders: Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced. Even the riders in the Beginner group were quite proficient, however, my stomach churned when I saw that a few of the riders were very heavy! A mini movie played in my head of George screaming at a young rider who was only slightly overweight (keep in mind that female riders should only be bone thin with no boobs to speak of) , "You are a cow! You have no business being on that horse! You are a slob!" " She left the ring in tears.

Oh no!", I prayed. "Please. please do not let him go off on these girls!" He didn't...at least not about that. I found out later from a friend on the circuit that his fat shaming tirades ended just about the time he began coaching the daughter of a very prestigious (and wealthy) client. Money truly does talk, or in this case, buys silence. Did the participants learn some valuable techniques and gain  insight in the fine art of riding jumpers? Yes, they did. But what everyone learned by the end of that day is that here in Nova Scotia we are "stiff, backwards, passive, sloppy, rude and lazy". Okayyyy then. I came away from that day feeling as if I had been a very bad girl...and I was only watching! I especially felt for the youngest rider in the clinic, the daughter of a well known Maritime rider. George really had it out for her; the stress and embarrassment in her face was evident. And, she did not deserve the tirades that he spewed at her. I know when a teenager is being disrespectful, and I know when a teenager is trying her best to please. I also know when a person is so stressed that they can not even think straight. He obviously did not care to consider the latter 2 options. Maybe day 2 would be better; maybe he was just setting an intimidating tone.

The next day saw a few riders less. Now this was not a cheap commitment for these riders with the fees being around $2000 per rider to take this verbal abuse..I mean..instruction. So, outside of one horse that pulled up lame, perhaps the others saw the writing on the wall. I don't know. I have to say how proud I was of all of the riders in this clinic. They were professional, brave, respectful, willing to try and gave it everything they had. And they did not allow him to break them. He boasted how. "If you come into my orbit, I will tear you down, and then I will remake you." Just a touch of God complex? But our riders stayed focused, determined and much more silent than some of the spectators were being which then caused a roar from the Master over the microphone that caused us all to cringe. I did not go there to be yelled at by a cantankerous, old Divo! Today, we left with a few more sins added to the list: " You talk, you people, all you do is talk, talk, talk, you do not even breathe except to eat. You eat, eat, eat and don't exercise!" His tone was becoming more and more condescending; his words more poisonous as the day went on. When he screamed at one of our top riders for using her crop to point to the jumps she was memorizing, I had enough. I left that day thankful that I was not going to have to watch any more on the 3rd day as I had to go to work.

I am thankful I did not go. To make a long story short, he was even worse than the day before. The lowest point came when one of the riders, finally said to him, "I don't know what it is you want me and my horse to do!." He abraded her for being a "stupid, stupid woman!" and then went on a tirade about women in general. From what Char told me, the riders and horses were beyond exhausted. The Clinic ended without the advertised meet and greet; the arena emptied quickly and George was overheard to say to the promoter that he had no desire to ever come back to NS to do another clinic. I feel it safe to say that the feeling is reciprocated by anyone who sat in that arena and witnessed the utter contempt which this man demonstrated towards not just the riders, but towards all of us. 

Respect is multi-faceted. Money and fame on their own are not enough to warrant respect. Success is no guarantee of respect. I will give surface respect to a person simply to acknowledge their humanity. I will give deeper respect to someone who treats me the same way. However you will earn my lasting respect through your actions towards others, your dignity, your courage, your determination, your kindness, your compassion. your integrity, your honesty...in other words, your character. Respect is what I found to be lacking from Mr. Morris. He has the money, the fame, the success, the house and the pool, obviously the respect of the stiff, backward, passive, lazy, rude, stupid, sloppy, talkative and overeating people of Nova Scotia means little or nothing to him. That is very sad, Mr. Morris. And it says a lot about your character.