There I was. Here I am! What now?

On February 9 I returned to Panama after my wonderful 2 weeks in Costa Rica. Even though it was hard to see Neal flying off to Canada, I was glad to get home and see my critters, including Darren..lol. Of course the scare of almost losing Rio made that reunion even more special. He was at the the airport waiting for me. I was never so glad to hug a little dog in all my life. I was really looking forward to resuming my idyllic routine. That was not to be. I was feeling a bit tired, under the weather, not quite myself. I had a few rides on Ali, but couldn't quite seem to get it together. Nevertheless, on Feb.17, even though I was not feeling well, I just wanted to go for a quiet ride. So I saddled up and set off on what I planned as a slow, uneventful ride. We just walked one of our usual loops and headed home. Then, not far from our gate, Ali fell...on me. It all happened so unexpectedly that I did not even have time to get scared. One second I was on him; the next, he ...

"Carcassonne"by Gustave Nadaud (1880?) Translated by: by John Reuben Thompson  (abridged) ' I'm growing old, I've sixty years; I've labored all my life in vain: In all that time of hopes and fears I've failed my dearest wish to gain. I see full well that here below Bliss unalloyed there is for none. My prayer will ne'er fulfilment know I never have seen Carcassonne, I never have seen Carcassonne! You see the city from the hill, It lies beyond the mountains blue, And yet to reach it one must still Five long and weary leagues pursue, And to return as many more! Ah! had the vintage plenteous grown! The grape withheld its yellow store! I shall not look on Carcassonne, I shall not look on Carcassonne!... 'The vicar's right; he says that we Are ever wayward, weak and blind, He tells us in his homily Ambition ruins all mankind; Yet could I there two days have spent While still the autumn sweetly shone, Ah me! I might have died content When I had l...

I have seen two memes on Facebook that speak a lot of truth. One says. " Happiness is hanging with your grown up kids !". The other - " Happiness is when you realize that your children have grown up to be good people. " Yes, there is a lot of crap on Facebook, but these two are profoundly touching for me. After a rocky road over the last twenty-six years, I am blessed to realize both. I know that psychology tells us that at any given time, we do the best with what we have at that moment. I did not have a lot to work with when Neal was born. I was never a maternally inclined person, always being more in tune with fur babies than human. I had lost my career; my chronic depression was exacerbated by severe postpartum depression and anxiety, and no one knew what to do with me. I was beleaguered by my toxic relationship with my mother; she did everything in power to demean and undercut me. I tried to fit the mold of the good, stay at home country wife and mother ...

🎶Weeelllllll, life on the farm is kinda laid back....🎶...that is as long as random critters don't wander through your property eating everything in sight! Yes, we live in the "country"! And we love it. Our road in is a bit on the rough side, granted, but....   No noisy neighbors; no cars and fumes; surrounded by nature....and cows. BIG cows! One never knows when a herd of cows will be literally in the middle of the highway being moooooved from one pasture to another. We just stop the truck and sit there as they flow around us. Very Wild, Wild West! The breed of choice here is a Brahma influenced breed that can handle the sparse grazing and heat. Definitely NOT Alberta beef! The calves are adorable with their big ears and curious eyes! I just love seeing all the new babies. All the local people run a small herd wherever they can find some pasture and strong fences are not a priority! So we have had a few run ins with some random bovines. I wish I had p...

Happy New Year to whomever is reading this! May 2019 be a blessing to you in all ways! Not just a New Year, but I have been seeing changes in myself. Eighteen months ago I was in my last 2 weeks of teaching at Prince Andrew High School in Dartmouth, NS, Canada. Since that time I have been in Kenya, Tanzania, NS. driven across Canada to Alberta, flew toPanama, Colombia, Panama, Alberta, NS, Alberta, Panama, Nova Scotia, Panama. Yah..time to take stock of what the hell has happened to me over all those miles. Somewhere in the chaos, I have found my authentic self. It's good catch phrase, what the fuck is my "authentic self"? Well, I think I know. Yesterday was January 1, 2019.  As I sat in the Caldera River beneath a natural hot spring, I felt a sense of unbelievable peace fill me. I allowed myself to breathe with the water flowing over me and let my eyes become unfocused as I observed the reflections of the sky and the trees in the ripples of the river. The qui...