There I was. Here I am! What now?

"Carcassonne"by Gustave Nadaud (1880?) Translated by: by John Reuben Thompson  (abridged) ' I'm growing old, I've sixty years; I've labored all my life in vain: In all that time of hopes and fears I've failed my dearest wish to gain. I see full well that here below Bliss unalloyed there is for none. My prayer will ne'er fulfilment know I never have seen Carcassonne, I never have seen Carcassonne! You see the city from the hill, It lies beyond the mountains blue, And yet to reach it one must still Five long and weary leagues pursue, And to return as many more! Ah! had the vintage plenteous grown! The grape withheld its yellow store! I shall not look on Carcassonne, I shall not look on Carcassonne!... 'The vicar's right; he says that we Are ever wayward, weak and blind, He tells us in his homily Ambition ruins all mankind; Yet could I there two days have spent While still the autumn sweetly shone, Ah me! I might have died content When I had l...

I have seen two memes on Facebook that speak a lot of truth. One says. " Happiness is hanging with your grown up kids !". The other - " Happiness is when you realize that your children have grown up to be good people. " Yes, there is a lot of crap on Facebook, but these two are profoundly touching for me. After a rocky road over the last twenty-six years, I am blessed to realize both. I know that psychology tells us that at any given time, we do the best with what we have at that moment. I did not have a lot to work with when Neal was born. I was never a maternally inclined person, always being more in tune with fur babies than human. I had lost my career; my chronic depression was exacerbated by severe postpartum depression and anxiety, and no one knew what to do with me. I was beleaguered by my toxic relationship with my mother; she did everything in power to demean and undercut me. I tried to fit the mold of the good, stay at home country wife and mother ...

🎶Weeelllllll, life on the farm is kinda laid back....🎶...that is as long as random critters don't wander through your property eating everything in sight! Yes, we live in the "country"! And we love it. Our road in is a bit on the rough side, granted, but....   No noisy neighbors; no cars and fumes; surrounded by nature....and cows. BIG cows! One never knows when a herd of cows will be literally in the middle of the highway being moooooved from one pasture to another. We just stop the truck and sit there as they flow around us. Very Wild, Wild West! The breed of choice here is a Brahma influenced breed that can handle the sparse grazing and heat. Definitely NOT Alberta beef! The calves are adorable with their big ears and curious eyes! I just love seeing all the new babies. All the local people run a small herd wherever they can find some pasture and strong fences are not a priority! So we have had a few run ins with some random bovines. I wish I had p...

Happy New Year to whomever is reading this! May 2019 be a blessing to you in all ways! Not just a New Year, but I have been seeing changes in myself. Eighteen months ago I was in my last 2 weeks of teaching at Prince Andrew High School in Dartmouth, NS, Canada. Since that time I have been in Kenya, Tanzania, NS. driven across Canada to Alberta, flew toPanama, Colombia, Panama, Alberta, NS, Alberta, Panama, Nova Scotia, Panama. Yah..time to take stock of what the hell has happened to me over all those miles. Somewhere in the chaos, I have found my authentic self. It's good catch phrase, what the fuck is my "authentic self"? Well, I think I know. Yesterday was January 1, 2019.  As I sat in the Caldera River beneath a natural hot spring, I felt a sense of unbelievable peace fill me. I allowed myself to breathe with the water flowing over me and let my eyes become unfocused as I observed the reflections of the sky and the trees in the ripples of the river. The qui...

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? YOU ARE GOING TO GET US KILLED!" the anguished scream was coming from our Costa Rican guide for the day, Ronald, who was white knuckling in the back seat. In hindsight, that was rich coming from a Central American driver! All we did was follow the (Canadian) law which dictates that when coming up behind a stopped school bus, all traffic must stop. Apparently, not in Costa Rica. When we explained why we stopped, he was puzzled; it made no sense to him. So we commented that is was to prevent children from getting hit by cars passing the bus. "That's crazy!", he said, "In Costa Rica we teach our children to look for cars!" DING!!! Darren and I looked at each other. Oh My God! Common sense is not dead; it moved to Costa Rica! That was the moment when we decided to move there when we retired. The 5 year plan was born. Yes, I know; I am in Panama. Bear with me! I am a Canadian who hates winter. Not a good combination and...