There I was. Here I am! What now?

"Carcassonne"by Gustave Nadaud (1880?) Translated by: by John Reuben Thompson  (abridged) ' I'm growing old, I've sixty years; I've labored all my life in vain: In all that time of hopes and fears I've failed my dearest wish to gain. I see full well that here below Bliss unalloyed there is for none. My prayer will ne'er fulfilment know I never have seen Carcassonne, I never have seen Carcassonne! You see the city from the hill, It lies beyond the mountains blue, And yet to reach it one must still Five long and weary leagues pursue, And to return as many more! Ah! had the vintage plenteous grown! The grape withheld its yellow store! I shall not look on Carcassonne, I shall not look on Carcassonne!... 'The vicar's right; he says that we Are ever wayward, weak and blind, He tells us in his homily Ambition ruins all mankind; Yet could I there two days have spent While still the autumn sweetly shone, Ah me! I might have died content When I had l

I have seen two memes on Facebook that speak a lot of truth. One says. " Happiness is hanging with your grown up kids !". The other - " Happiness is when you realize that your children have grown up to be good people. " Yes, there is a lot of crap on Facebook, but these two are profoundly touching for me. After a rocky road over the last twenty-six years, I am blessed to realize both. I know that psychology tells us that at any given time, we do the best with what we have at that moment. I did not have a lot to work with when Neal was born. I was never a maternally inclined person, always being more in tune with fur babies than human. I had lost my career; my chronic depression was exacerbated by severe postpartum depression and anxiety, and no one knew what to do with me. I was beleaguered by my toxic relationship with my mother; she did everything in power to demean and undercut me. I tried to fit the mold of the good, stay at home country wife and mother